23 Years

23 Years ago I held him in my arms. He was born and I understand that while I was in labor the waiting room filled up with all kinds of people. Friends and Family were waiting for him to be born. Boasts where made, wagers placed but once he was born all that mattered was that he was alive and he that had his birth-father's nose. The hospital let us do things that were not normally done, everyone that had waited for his arrival was able to see him; I was kept in the delivery room way past time for me to be moved to my room. I had some time when it was just he and I where I told him just how much I loved him, how I hoped that some day he would understand, forgive me, and want to see me again. Then his Mom and Dad came in, they were so happy I don't think she ever stopped smiling. It gave me peace. The hospital allowed our friends and family meet him, to see him. They did it again on the day that we both were released from the hospital, we were able to see him one more time, hold him, and allow his Great-great-grandmother meet him. Again I knew what I was doing was right that they were right.

Yesterday I met him again. I was given a chance to know my Son. He wanted to know me, to know his siblings. To be part of our lives. I am blessed. Spending the day with him was beyond everything I could imagine. I found out things that we shared traits, likes, dislikes and hobbies. Things that he does or says are very much like his birth-father. He punched a hole in the ceiling to make the neighbors be quite much to the delight of Fiona, she thinks he is very strong. His laugh sounds like his birth-father. He reads like I do, even some of the same books, even let Brennan borrow some books. Danni and he have taken the same sociology class they even traded ideas and authors names. I watched him talk with Danni and Brennan about all kinds of things. I watched his face, he has my eyes, my Grandfathers chin, my curly hair and of course his birth-father's nose. I found my self just watching him listening to him. He talked about things that we agreed on like how books are better than the movies they are based or how he likes fish and hates large cities.

I gave him up for adoption when I was 17. It was the single hardest thing that I ever did in my life. He was always a part of me, someone that I have thought about all the time. I almost never thought that I would get the chance to meet him to be a part of his life. But he hugged me, he called me Mom, he told me he loved me and admired me. And I held him for the first time in 23 years.

Seeing History

Last night I was able to watch my kids "see" history.

I was blessed to know my Great Grandmother. Even more so that she was around to meet Danni (five generations) and she passed at the ripe old age of 104 one month before Brennan was born. She was born the eldest of 13 kids, she went to school in a one room school house, grew up on a vineyard, worked for C&H and left her first husband because he was abusing her, one of her husbands worked on the railroads and she traveled the country with him, one of her sons died in WWII, and she used to make applesauce and canned all her own fruit. In her later years she did a very complete genealogy of the family the old fashion way by writing letters, my sister and I helped her since at that point she was legally blind. Her birthday was right before the 4th of July and that was her very favorite holiday. She lived by herself until right before she passed away. She was one of the strongest people I knew. She saw a lot of history and she was often amazed by it all. I often wondered what I would be able to look back on and say I saw in the making.

Last night was one of those moments that I KNEW I was seeing history. We all watched both speeches... Fiona was a little confused she finally just said "But Mommy who is the President? I don't understand" So we tried to explain to her that the first guy was saying he wasn't running for President anymore and the second guy was the new President, I think she got it... She did understand that the two little girls on the stage were getting a new puppy and that he was a good parent for getting them a new puppy.

I will remember that my oldest was able to vote in this very important election, that my son was interested in the democratic processes and that the little one was immersed in the whole process even if she didn't understand it all. Danni won't remember the wall coming down just two weeks after she was born and Brennan won't remember that the 'cold war' was declared over just days after he was born, but this is something they do understand and will be able to tell their grandchildren like my Great Grandmother told me about her very first time being allowed to vote and how she demonstrated for the right to vote. I remember as a child watching the first steps on the moon, I was two, but I remember pieces and snips about the day the adults all being very happy about something and standing around the TV. Later on in life I asked Mom about the day and she said that my memories match what happened that day...

I am hoping that Fiona being six will remember this day even if it is only to remember that two little girls with dresses that she liked got a new puppy.