The next step

Monday night is Family Dinner night. Danni comes over and we all sit down for dinner, we are going to have to change the day with college classes Mondays are not working.

Last night we sat and talked about general stuff but then moved into talking about the wedding. Everyone will have jobs, big or small; everyone will have something to do. Its looking like it will be a small affair which will be nice. I have told her that I will not put up with any snide remarks from her step-mom but also I wont be the one that makes her leave … I will make sure someone else has that pleasure.

It is odd talking to her about what she wants for her wedding how she sees it what she hopes it to be… My hope for her is that she is relaxed and enjoys her day; I also hope that it is everything she wants it to be. So many people have asked to be a part of her day that I think she is a little overwhelmed and it goes back to trying to make it smaller event. Hard to do with just the massive size of our family and that doesn’t count her fathers side of the family. She is wondering if some people would be offended it they are asked to leave kids at home. She is figuring if the kids don’t know who she is then why should the kids be at the wedding? I understand that thought but then I think that the kids or the families are part of the community that you as a married couple will be living in, and making your own family for. But I understand space constraints. What I have told her and what I will continue to tell her is it doesn’t matter what happens, what matters is that at the end of the day they are married. She doesn’t want drama, I understand that. She will not be able to control others but what she will have is people around her to make sure she doesn’t know that the cake is wrong, or that no one has shown up due to a traffic issue, or that the toasting glasses aren’t here, or that the flowers didn’t get done until hours before the wedding. Many things that past brides didn’t even know were going on until much later. (In some cases MONTHS later)

This year will be a big one… she turns 21 and she gets married. For BOTH of us. A big year.

New School Year

School started this week… for all the kids. Two are now in college and one in 3rd grade, it doesn’t seem possible. I found myself getting all teary eyed when I watched my son go on his merry way to college. He was excited and joyful to go to school; it reminded me of his first day of preschool, kindergarten, middle school and high school. None of my kids have ever had a problem with going to school leaving Mom and the ‘nest’, if fact they have all run in headlong into the next adventure. I didn’t cry when he graduated from High school (ok I didn’t cry much) but some how him going to college gives me reason to pause and think about this little boy who is quickly becoming a Man, one that I am proud of, very proud. Now he has had the first week of college and he has found out that teachers don’t like it when you are late and that you have to read the college catalog to make sure you sign up for classes that don’t require a pre requisite, small lessons.

I think about the next few years, he will continue going to college and maybe even make it overseas to school. My daughter will get married and continue school. The youngest will continue happily along always working to do better. Meanwhile my eldest he will be working hard as well and I couldn’t be prouder of all of my kids, the three I have raised and the one that I didn’t have the privilege to raise but love just as much. The next couple of years will be ones of great change. When the kids were in school (regular school) things didn’t really change you know they changed teachers or schools but they were at home and all the issues were the same, but now they have other things to consider and broader choices. The family will change and in ways that makes me happy and sad at the same time.

I am the first of my group of friends to have kids that are old enough to move out and move on… its scary, fun, and a little lonely. I am not opposed to the kids growing up in fact I LOVE IT. I guess I am getting closer and closer to the time that I will need to figure out who I am without the kids. Where I fit in, hopefully I have done that to some degree. Identified who I am, I am not just a Mom, but more than that.

I still have time the youngest doesn’t even get out of High School for another nine years. :)

June in a Nutshell

Whew! June has been fast a furious with all kinds of stuff going on.

Brennan had Prom, the last days of school and Graduation. All of that just by June 10th! I am glad Brennan went to Prom! Not that he HAD to go just that I knew that he would have fun with his friends and they wanted him to go. And he did tell me later that I was right he did have fun!

Then there were the last days of school I have to say it was odd surreal even to be on campus on the last few days of school the energy is so cool excitement for the Sr class as a certain level just a little bit higher than the other classes. Some things I had forgotten just how much June means to school kids, I think as adults we tend to forget just what the excitement is when it comes to the end of a year of school. More so in High school than I think in any other grade. Seeing it on campus like I did (I was on campus everyday since Feb) was a great reminder of what it was like.

Graduation was really good! I like the way that MITA is small and they are able to make this celebration very personal. So very proud of all of the kids, especially Brennan, not that they made it but that they made it with style!

Then of course we went straight into a weekend of Harmony (feel the love) in Santa Rosa. The boys (Sebastian and Brennan) both worked all weekend long. Three long days of Santa Rosa in the heat, dust and crowds. Just to recover enough to start building the Pirate festival in Vallejo after just a two day reprieve.

Pirate Festival was GREAT!!! Queen Anne’s Revenge Rocked! Such an amazing group I am so honored to be a part of them. Beverage Rocked! Sea Dogs Rocked! Things look good that we broke the Guinness book of world records for the largest congregation of costumed pirates in one place at the same time. I only got a little bit burned; I thought I had covered up all the way… oh well.

Oh that’s right and smack dab in the middle of that I interviewed and was hired for a new job!! WHOO HOO!!!

June has been amazing!!

Washington DC with Brennan

Last month (May OK so I am a little behind) I went to DC with Brennan and his class. The Sr Class as part of their graduation requirements pick a DC site and do a report on it and while we are there they must give a verbal report (become a docent of sorts). This report makes up almost half of their grade for the Government class.

I have to say that it was a different trip than the one I took with Danni, not in what was seen or what we did but more in the way it was run. We never got lost. We had lunch delivered (WAY COOL) We ran on time (some of time), I think the kids had more “free” time. My feet didn’t come home damaged and we had coffee stops. We did have the “forced march” and “herding up” that was started three years ago with Danni’s class. With all of that the kids still had fun you could tell. As with the other class the kids were amazing. Well behaved, great travelers, considerate to others on Metro. Something to be proud of.

Watching the kids give the reports was great! Some I knew would do wonderfully, I was never concerned about them speaking in public if these guys had been going to MITA the whole time (since sixth grade) they have given verbal report after verbal report. I was very impressed with several of them on the scope of what they thought was important about their particular site. I have to say that you could tell how much they all cared about the site that they were reporting on, and how much each and everyone of them wanted the others to do well. Everyone cheering for the other and celebrating when everything went well!

Of course we had a great amount of fun! Jess getting piggy back rides, letters/flowers/pictures left for the veterans, playing cards, sleeping and of course just goofing off! Watching the look on Brennan’s face while reading the words on the wall at the Lincoln memorial, which in photos never looks as big as it really is in person.

We went different places we never made it to Arlington, but then Danni's class never made it to the Zoo. All in all both trips were amazing for me as a parent.

Hopefully my kids understand what it meant to me to be able to join them on this trip, it’s hard to put into words, it’s like watching them in their final act of being a kid or watching them move into becoming more of an adult. More than the graduation or an 18th birthday, this is something that they have worked on for MOST of the year, and a great amount of pressure was put on them to get each and every milestone of this project done they did it, and at the end they were able to stand the site and give their report in front of teachers, fellow students and a few parents and more than once a random stranger would stop and listen to them.

23 Years

23 Years ago I held him in my arms. He was born and I understand that while I was in labor the waiting room filled up with all kinds of people. Friends and Family were waiting for him to be born. Boasts where made, wagers placed but once he was born all that mattered was that he was alive and he that had his birth-father's nose. The hospital let us do things that were not normally done, everyone that had waited for his arrival was able to see him; I was kept in the delivery room way past time for me to be moved to my room. I had some time when it was just he and I where I told him just how much I loved him, how I hoped that some day he would understand, forgive me, and want to see me again. Then his Mom and Dad came in, they were so happy I don't think she ever stopped smiling. It gave me peace. The hospital allowed our friends and family meet him, to see him. They did it again on the day that we both were released from the hospital, we were able to see him one more time, hold him, and allow his Great-great-grandmother meet him. Again I knew what I was doing was right that they were right.

Yesterday I met him again. I was given a chance to know my Son. He wanted to know me, to know his siblings. To be part of our lives. I am blessed. Spending the day with him was beyond everything I could imagine. I found out things that we shared traits, likes, dislikes and hobbies. Things that he does or says are very much like his birth-father. He punched a hole in the ceiling to make the neighbors be quite much to the delight of Fiona, she thinks he is very strong. His laugh sounds like his birth-father. He reads like I do, even some of the same books, even let Brennan borrow some books. Danni and he have taken the same sociology class they even traded ideas and authors names. I watched him talk with Danni and Brennan about all kinds of things. I watched his face, he has my eyes, my Grandfathers chin, my curly hair and of course his birth-father's nose. I found my self just watching him listening to him. He talked about things that we agreed on like how books are better than the movies they are based or how he likes fish and hates large cities.

I gave him up for adoption when I was 17. It was the single hardest thing that I ever did in my life. He was always a part of me, someone that I have thought about all the time. I almost never thought that I would get the chance to meet him to be a part of his life. But he hugged me, he called me Mom, he told me he loved me and admired me. And I held him for the first time in 23 years.